


Sleepwalker, Savior, Lover, Friend: a But We're Not Married Prequel

by rons_pigwidgeon



Series: But We're Not Married... [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Late Night Conversations, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Nightmares, Post-War, Sleepwalking, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 00:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5437442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rons_pigwidgeon/pseuds/rons_pigwidgeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Still recovering from the War that took his innocence, if not a little of his sanity, Harry found himself sleepwalking almost to his death. He was saved by an unlikely hero, and thus brought together two people, just as Harry was about to fall apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part .01

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story three years ago, and am just now remembering to re-post it here from Fanfiction.net. I'm hoped at the time I wrote it that it would help to explain how they came to be together and what exactly 'together' meant for them. There has been a lot of confusion as to the nature of their relationship on ff.net, though that same confusion does not seem to have crossed over to this community for whatever reason. 
> 
> I would like to thank my beta and friend, wwmrsweasleydo, who is always the most delightful of people to work with :)

 

 

Nightmares. It started with nightmares. Harry had never had the greatest track record with sleep, but after the horrors of the war, his sleep deprivation got to unhealthy levels. The long hours of work helping to put Hogwarts back into working order, combined with the horrific nightmares he wrestled with every night, and never taking time to mourn properly or recover from the strenuous year he had just finished, began to take its toll. _Someone was calling his name down the corridor, but he was too busy running from Death Eaters to look back and find out who it was. He turned down the next corridor and felt the floor disappear from underneath him. He cried out, throwing his hands out in front of him to brace his impact_ —and he woke up smacking into a cushioning charm. He stared at the invisible layer that had protected him and the jagged rubble underneath, the rubble that surely should have killed him. He looked up, stunned, to see Snape standing nearby with his wand out and a glare on his face so dark it was a miracle that Harry's skin hadn't melted off yet.

"Professor? What's going on?"

"You appear to have been sleepwalking, Mr. Potter. It is lucky that I was taking a midnight stroll and saw you on the fourth floor, or you would have walked off that ledge and killed yourself."

Harry tried to sit up, a task he found difficult given that the cushioning charm felt like he was moving on marshmallows. "Looks like I owe you my life again, then, sir. Thanks." He reached up, hoping Snape would give him a hand up, only to receive a raised eyebrow. He sighed and ended up rolling off the side of the cushion, into pokey rocks that scraped his bare chest and arms and tore a hole in his sleep trousers. He stood, brushing the dust off himself, and turned back to Snape. "Thanks," he repeated.

"Do you take sleep aids, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked, crossing his arms and straightening as if preparing for a lecture.

Harry sighed again, too tired to deal with a telling-off at the moment. All he wanted to do was crawl back into bed for another few hours. "No, maybe I should though. I can't sleep for shite anymore."

"Language. Come with me, and I will give you a Dreamless Sleep so that I do not need to keep vigil at your door to assure myself of your safety." He turned on his heel and strode away, obviously expecting Harry to follow.

Harry did, careful of the rocks and rubbish on his bare feet. "But… why do you care if I walk off a ledge? My job's done, isn't it? I would have thought I was the least of your concerns anymore."

"I have spent quite a bit of time and personal risk in keeping you alive and upright. I am not going to stand by while you tear all my efforts to pieces. Your mother would never forgive me." He didn't even bother to look at Harry or slow down for him, but Harry could hear the sincerity in his voice.

It wasn't the first time Snape had made reference to Harry's mother since he walked out of the infirmary in June, but every time caught Harry by surprise. "But…"

"Would you prefer that I let you walk yourself off a cliff without aide?"

"No, of course not. I already said thank you, sir. I just… I'm still getting used to you caring about me."

"I don't care about you. I care about your mother. You are a byproduct."

Harry decided to ignore his denial. He was grateful that Snape was on his side, no matter what the reason was. They arrived at Snape's rooms a moment later, and Snape ushered him inside. It was only the second time Harry had been there (the first being when Snape first left the infirmary and Harry had given him back his memories), and he glanced around to find the space warmer in tone and color than on his previous visit. There were more rugs and the furniture appeared to be a bit more comfortable than it had before. Harry stopped next to the sofa and watched Snape go through to his bedchamber, only to emerge a moment later with a potion.

"You will stay in my spare chamber tonight so that I can monitor you. Dreamless sleep will take your nightmares away, but it might not stop you from walking."

"I don't want to inconvenience you."

"You've already done that. Take the potion and find your bed through there." He pointed to a door set into the bookcases several shelves away from Snape's own bedroom.

Harry stared at the potion, then at the door, then back at the potion, before finally taking it from Snape's hand and swallowing it down. He felt droopy and heavy right away, and made his way to the other door without further protest.

He never remembered getting into the bed, or even what the bedroom looked like, nor sleepwalking again, but he must have, because he awoke the next morning curled up on Snape's chest with Snape's arm tight around him. He cried out, shocked, and tried to sit up, but the arm around his waist held on too tight. He pushed against Snape's chest, and Snape growled, "Stop moving."

"Professor?"

Snape's eyes snapped open and he stared at Harry in groggy shock. "Potter, why are you in my bed?"

"I don't know? Could you let me go, though?" Snape did, and he immediately sat up.

"Obviously, the potion didn't help your sleepwalking," Snape said as he sat up.

"Obviously," Harry muttered.

"Perhaps we should lock your chamber door to prevent further incidents like this."

"Maybe."

"Did you dream?"

Harry thought about it. He couldn't remember dreaming. And he felt better than he had in a long time. He stretched his hands up high over his head and twisted, cracking his spine with several audible pops. "No dreams. I think I got a good amount of sleep, too. I feel better than I usually do. Thank you, Professor."

"You'll better thank me by removing yourself from my rooms. I will have a house-elf deliver the potion to your rooms from now on. You will take it. And you will lock your chambers at night."

"I normally do. I must get through my own wards when I'm asleep."

"Then, have Granger do it. I cannot always be there to save you."

Harry nodded and swung off the bed, doing another, longer stretch and shaking his muscles out to loosen them up before heading to the door. "Thanks again, Professor. I'll see you at breakfast."

 


	2. Part .02

He was warm and comfortable and the room was quiet except for the even breathing of the body underneath him. Harry stared off into the night, thinking. This was the third night in a week that he had found himself in Snape's bed, in Snape's arms. Over the last four months, he had spent more time in Snape's bed than in his own. People were going to start talking if he kept this up. Not that he hadn't already heard the riot act from Ron for 'hanging about with that nasty git'. As if Harry intentionally broke through Snape's wards and crawled into his bed every night. Thankfully, Snape didn't seem to mind, at least not after that first time when he'd nearly walked off the fourth floor and killed himself. He usually just grunted at Harry in the morning and went into the bathroom without saying anything. Harry was grateful that he never said anything. It was a bit more than Harry could reckon himself, and it was a relief that he didn't have to talk about it.

Not that he wanted to move, either. As much as he avoided thinking about it, he liked waking up in Snape's bed. He had never been one for being touched, but something about being held so securely in another person's arms made him feel safe for the first time in his life, and it helped him to sleep better. And so, rather than crawling out from under the arm and shuffling back to his own bed, Harry closed his eyes again and fell back to sleep.

_He was in the Great Hall, kneeling in front of Voldemort. Someone was screaming, but it took him a long moment to figure out who. Teddy, writhing in his dead mother's arms, was being tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange while the other Death Eaters laughed at him. The little body was curling in unnatural angles, his little face purple with agony and uncontrollable screams. Harry tried to get up, to stop them, but he couldn't stand and his wand was nowhere in sight. Voldemort was laughing at him as he called out for Bellatrix to stop. Harry thrashed on the ground, screaming, trying to get to Teddy, but to no avail._

_After what felt like an eternity, Teddy's little voice stopped screaming and his little body slumped and was still. Harry screamed more, tears streaming down his face. Bellatrix only laughed at him as she sent Teddy's and Tonks' bodies over to a growing pile of others. Hermione was in that pile, as was Ron, Mrs. Weasley, Fleur, Neville, and Dean. All of their bodies were bloodied and broken. It made Harry want to vomit. It made him want to scream until his voice box collapsed. He banged his fists against the floor and cried out his pain._  So much pain. So much loss. And all he could do was cry. He buried his face into the shoulder of the body that held him close as the scene faded away to that of a dark bedroom. Strong hands smoothed up and down his back, soothing his sorrow. He could barely breathe for the pain in his chest, so he let it out, sobbing uncontrollably until there was nothing left inside him.

"It's all right," a deep voice whispered in his ear as fingers smoothed the hair behind his ear and combed through his neck hair.

He took deep breaths, filling his lungs with air and then pushing it out with a physical effort. After a few minutes, his chest loosened and he was able to breathe naturally again. He pulled a little away from the arms holding him, blushing and a little ashamed of himself. "Sorry," he mumbled, trying to pull further away, but Snape wouldn't let him.

"Don't be an idiot. Do you think yourself above crying? Everyone has to mourn, even the Savior of the Wizarding World. Can you go back to sleep or shall I make us some tea?"

Harry closed his eyes, only to be met with the vision of Teddy limp in Tonks' dead arms. "Tea," he said, sitting up as Snape did. They shuffled into the living room, and Harry sat on the sofa while Snape went to the side board.

"You failed to take your potion tonight, I see," Snape said over the tea pot.

Harry sighed and tugged at his hair. "I ran out, and I forgot to ask you for more."

"And rather than coming to me before bed, you chose to come to me in the middle of the night to cry on my shoulder instead?"

Harry blushed again, burying his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry about that. God, I'm so embarrassed. I haven't cried like that since Cedric Diggory died."

"Perhaps it was for the best, then. A person cannot endure the level of loss and personal sacrifice that you have experienced without allowing himself to mourn. It isn't healthy. I speak from personal experience."

Harry watched him pour brandy into the tea cups before the tea, but he accepted his cup without saying anything and drank it, the burn of the alcohol settling in his chest and soothing the previous ache. "Easier said than done, I think. I've never had time to mourn before."

Snape settled next to him on the sofa, his arm draping across the back so that he faced Harry. "You have nothing but time now."

"Yeah, I guess. Maybe I should take a day off helping here and go visit Andromeda and Teddy. I haven't seen them since the memorial service." He leant his head back and Snape began playing with his hair. It felt nice, so Harry let him.

"Were you dreaming of Teddy? Your screams didn't have words."

"Yeah, Bellatrix was torturing him. Everyone else was dead in a big pile, and Voldemort had won. It was… terrifying. Mostly because it could have happened."

"Easily. But it didn't. He is spread to the elements and will never return. You are safe, as are your surviving friends and family. I won't say that there will never be anything to worry about again because that would be lying, but there is nothing imminent. We have time."

Time. That was the strange bit about it. He'd never dreamed of making it past seventeen, so he never had to stop and think about what would happen after. How he would deal with everything he'd gone through. What he would do with all that time, once he had it. Harry fiddled with a hole in his pajamas trousers and let Snape pull him into the crook of his arm. He had time to think about what was happening between them now, too, but it was better when he was distracted. "Who do you miss most?"

"Lily. She was my best friend, my co-conspirator when we were small, my first love. For a long time, she was my everything. And after everything I did to protect her and try to keep her safe, one foolishly overheard conversation, and I was the person to bring her to her death. I will never forgive myself for that."

"How were you to know that Voldemort would interpret the prophecy the way he did? He could have just as easily gone after Neville. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself for something you did when you weren't much older than I am now."

Snape didn't say anything, but he continued to comb his fingers through Harry's hair. Harry listened to his heartbeat through his pajamas shirt, slow and steady. "I miss Colin Creevey. He used to annoy the shite out of me with that camera, but he was so enthusiastic all the time, you know? Just full of life. And he was so excited to be a part of the Wizarding World. And what did he get back from it? A killing curse and probably torture beforehand."

"War is cruel, especially to the innocent."

"Yeah. Like Amelia Smith. Do you remember her? She was the relief seeker for Hufflepuff. Tiny thing with curly red hair and big, blue eyes. Hermione tried to get her to join the DA, but she was too scared. Ron said they saw her get bitten by Greyback. She was only fifteen."

"Mmm, Greyback was a vicious mutt. I'm glad he's been put down. He took Benedict Luthorne as well. Twelve-year-old Slytherin. He was going to be a Potions Master, I could already tell."

It went on for hours, their reminiscence, until the tea was cold and the sun was up and it was much too close to breakfast for either to find their bed. When neither could put off the inevitable, Harry finally un-lodged himself from the crook of Snape's arm and bid him farewell until breakfast. When he returned to his rooms, he ignored Ron's grumbles about greasy bats and went to get dressed for the day. Despite only getting a few hours of interrupted sleep, he felt better than he could remember feeling, ever, and he spent the rest of the day with a smile on his face.


	3. Part .03

The more their friendship grew, the more frequently they volunteered to work together. The day that Snape became Severus (at least in Harry's mind), they were working together alone in Ravenclaw Tower, repairing a collapsed wall in a classroom at the base of the tower. No one knew for certain, but the theory was that a troll had run through the room in a misguided attempt to get into the Great Hall. The outer wall had been repaired during the first sweep of reconstruction, but the inner wall and doorway were still in rubble.

"Was this classroom ever used for anything?" Harry asked as he slathered a thick layer of concrete atop the first finished layer of stone wall. The reconstruction had made quite the stone mason out of him, as it had many others.

"Not that I can recall, but Hogwarts is nearly a millennium old. I suppose it could have been used for something at one point." Snape answered, levitating a particularly awkward cracked stone into the machine that reformed rocks into usable stones for masonry.

"Snogging, maybe. Although, maybe not. Do you reckon Ravenclaws snog in abandoned classrooms? They always seem so neat and clean. They probably wouldn't want to get the dust on them."

"I try not to think about the romantic entanglements of any of my students."

"Of course not. That's why you never pried into my most private memories of my first kiss with Cho Chang. Completely beneath you." Harry smirked over his shoulder at Snape to show he was teasing.

"Retaliation for years of having to tolerate your mindless idiocy, only, I assure you. I have no interest in your sexual fumblings, especially after having seen them first-hand." Snape cast a dusting charm across the newly-cleared floor in front of him, but it had little effect. Harry was beginning to believe they would never be rid of the dust.

"She was crying! What do you expect of me? I didn't even know what I was doing in the first place, and then she's just sobbing all over the place! I doubt you'd have done any better."

Snape didn't bother to respond. Harry turned back to stone alignment, carefully shifting each stone within the mortar so that it was straight, even, and as well-balanced as possible, before spreading a thick layer of mortar to the stone's side and moving on. A few stones later, another thought popped into his head. "Cho was a Ravenclaw, and I know she snogged in empty classrooms."

"Personal experience?" Snape asked, raising a sharp brow.

Harry scowled at him. "No, just saw her go into a couple with Cedric. I only kissed her the once, and that was enough."

They often had a rhythm, in which Harry chattered on and Snape rarely responded until Harry asked him a question. He answered those readily enough to Harry's surprise, even the very personal questions that Harry only asked to get a rise out of him. Normally, Harry would have thought Snape was annoyed by his nattering on, but he never seemed to mind, and he often looked amused. Harry watched him smirk to himself at Harry's comment as he levitated another rock into the machine.

"Did you snog anyone during school? Well, I suppose you must have, but who? Anyone whose name I would recognize? Besides Mum. I don't want to know if it was Mum." It was one of those questions he didn't expect an answer to, but he got one anyway. He was starting to develop a theory that sharing a bed nearly every night was softening Snape's personal boundaries, and Harry was taking full advantage.

Snape sent a glare at him, but answered anyway. "I never kissed your mother, though not for lack of trying. As you can imagine, there were very few students at Hogwarts with any interest in even talking to me, let alone kissing me, but there was one…"

"Oh? Some Slytherin girl, probably." Harry scoffed, wrinkling his nose at the idea of snogging some snobby Slytherin.

"Aurelia Jones, actually. She was a Ravenclaw and two years ahead of me."

"Who's Aurelia Jones?" Harry asked, stopping to look up at Snape.

"Xeno Lovegood's late wife."

"Luna's mum?"

"Yes, she was a lovely woman. Miss Lovegood looks a great deal like her, in fact. She was more… grounded than Miss Lovegood, though. Still eccentric, but with a little bit more logic to her learning."

"Was she, you know, your girlfriend?" Harry asked as he stood and brushed his hands off. The wall was getting too tall for him to work with on his knees.

Snape was about to answer when a trembling was felt throughout the castle and the ceiling above Harry's head began crumbling. Snape snatched him out of the way, knocking a chair out of the way as he pulled Harry into his arms. Harry guarded their heads with his hands and ducked, trying to stay calm as half the ceiling collapsed around their feet. When it was finished, Snape growled under his breath, "You stupid, stupid boy. You could have been killed! I don't know how you manage to walk upright sometimes."

Harry laughed and shrugged, knowing it was useless to protest, even though there was no way he could have known the ceiling would cave on top of him. Snape stared at him for a long moment, anger and a bit of worry in his eyes, before he pulled him close again and kissed him. Harry squeaked in shock, immobile in his utter astonishment that Snape would want to kiss him. But Snape's lips were warmer than they looked, and his whiskers scraping against Harry's chin turned Harry on more than he would have thought possible, and soon Harry's arms were wrapped around his neck and he was kissing back. Snape sucked Harry's bottom lip into his mouth, pulling a moan from him and effectively opening his mouth to Snape's invading tongue without asking permission. Their tongues moved together in a game of tag for a moment before Harry finally pulled away, pressing a chaste kiss to Snape's lips before pulling back far enough to speak.

"I thought you weren't interested in my snogging technique."

"Only when you are entangled with someone other than me. Did you think I've been letting you sleep in my bed for six months for no reason?"

"I don't know, Snape. What other reason could you have?" Even to Harry's ears, calling Severus 'Snape' sounded unnatural while the taste of the man was still on his tongue. "Can I call you Severus, now?"

"You could have called me Severus months ago. Are you going to continue to natter on, or are you going to let me kiss you again?"

Harry smirked. "It  _was_  rather nice…" He barely got the words out before Severus was kissing him again. They didn't get any more work done until after lunch. They lost an entire bucket of mortar to dry-out, but neither particularly cared.


	4. Part .04

Harry wasn't sure how Severus had coaxed him into his lap, but as kisses began to slide down his neck in a slow line, he thought he might have got in over his head. He pulled away a little, settling his arse on Severus's knees to put some distance between them. "Severus, wait," he said as Severus' hands traveled up under his t-shirt to smooth over his bare sides. The contact felt good, but Harry knew he had to stop them from moving any further north.

"What is it?" Severus asked, reaching forward to try for Harry's neck again.

Harry pressed a hand to his chest to stop him. "We're going too fast. I need to slow down."

"What are you talking about?" Snape asked in an exasperated voice, hands clenching on Harry's sides.

"I'm not ready to go further than kissing right now. You're only the third person I've ever kissed, and I… I don't want to go too far before…" He trailed off, eyes dropping to their laps and the large bulge lifting Severus'. Harry's own wasn't small, but it was obvious that Severus was a lot more than Harry thought he could ever handle. It made him even more apprehensive.

"Before you're ready? Before you've completed your education? What?" Severus asked, voice sliding into irritation.

"Before we're married. I don't want to make love until we're married, and I'm worried if we go any farther, we won't be able to stop." He peeked up at Severus through his fringe only to be met with horror.

"Married? What ridiculous idiot put marriage into your head? You've been spending too much time talking to Molly Weasley."

"I have talked to Molly about this, but that's not why I want to wait. I've always believed that you should wait to be with your spouse. Sex is a special act; it should only be shared with someone you love."

"I can assure you that I am very much in love with you. I would not risk the censure I am sure to get when our relationship becomes public if I were not. I also would not continue to tolerate your presence in my bed, nor would I have included you in my wards three months ago, so that I do not have to continuously put them back up after you tear them down every night."

Harry beamed at him, leaning forward again to kiss him. "I love you, too. I always feel so safe and taken care of when I'm with you. Even when you're yelling at me or calling me an idiot, I can tell that you care about me."

"I'm glad to see that's settled, then. Can we move on, now?" He pulled Harry closer, and returned to planting kisses down the boy's neck. Harry let him for a moment before pulling away again.

"Wait, no, stop. I'm very, very happy that you love me, and I love you, but that still doesn't change the fact that we aren't married. I want to be married before I lose my virginity. I want it to be special."

"We will make it special. I will make you feel like the most special of snowflakes." He reached for Harry again, but Harry rebuffed him.

"You're mocking me! And that's not even the point. I want to be married. We aren't. You've not even proposed yet. I don't even think you were thinking about it."

"Of course I wasn't thinking about it. I have no intentions of marrying anyone, ever. I love you and I want you to be with me, but I do not see a meaningless ceremony and a roll of parchment as a necessity to the completion of my happiness."

"Are you saying you never want to marry me?" Harry abruptly stood, untangling himself from Severus and straightening his clothes.

"Where are you going? Stop being so unreasonable. Why are you so suddenly infatuated with the idea of marriage? We have hardly been in this relationship three weeks. It is a little early to talk so seriously, don't you think?"

"We've been in a relationship of sorts for nearly six months. I don't think that's too early to start thinking about marriage, especially given our previous history. We've admitted that we love each other. The natural progression of this sort of relationship is marriage. And for me to find out that you won't even consider it as an option? I don't even know what to say to that." Harry turned to pull on his shoes, left abandoned hours ago when he'd curled into Severus' arms on the sofa after supper.

Severus stood as well, a look of confusion written on his face. "You aren't leaving, are you? This is silly. You are overreacting to a simple disagreement."

"Simple? I've been thinking this whole time that you might be the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and you aren't even interested in giving me the one thing that would make me feel grounded and stable. I've spent my whole life feeling like an outsider in other people's homes. All I've ever wanted is to make one of my own. How can I do that with you if you won't even consider becoming my husband?"

"Building a life with someone requires a marriage license? What do you think homosexuals did before the Right to Wed Act passed last summer? Wandered the streets without homes or families, having meaningless sex and never settling down?"

"Of course not, but just because they didn't have a legal right to marry, that doesn't mean they didn't commit themselves in front of God and their friends."

"So, you're religious now? Odd, given that I've never seen you go to church."

Harry looked at his shoes, a blush reddening his cheeks. "I was never allowed. Aunt Petunia said I would sully the service. But I've been to… I don't know if it was Heaven or purgatory or where we were, but I know there's a higher power, and I just… I would rather take the moral high road. I've done enough evil in murdering another human being and being responsible for the deaths of countless others. I want to... do things right."

"And 'right' means not having intercourse until there is an expensive and generally meaningless ring on your finger?"

"Yes! It's not meaningless! It's special, and it means something to me. And since we're obviously not going to agree on this, I don't see any point in staying here any longer. Good night." Harry turned and stalked out without giving Severus a chance to reply further. He didn't even know why he was so angry, but he was, and he couldn't stand to look at Severus' face anymore.

As he marched back to his rooms, he thought over their conversation. The marriage thing had got out of hand, he knew. It really wasn't that important to him, but he hadn't wanted to admit that he wasn't ready for sex yet. Severus already thought of him as a child; Harry didn't want to further that claim. The religious element wasn't really very important to him, either. He still didn't know where that had even come from. Severus was right, he'd never been to church. He'd never had a particular inclination to go to church, either, but it had bolstered his marriage defense, and so he had run with it. The more he thought of the conversation, the sillier he felt. It would have been far easier just to tell Severus the truth. Now, he didn't know how he could explain without looking immature and facing the real possibility of being permanently kicked out of Severus' bed.

He opened the door to the rooms he shared with Ron and Hermione, only to walk in on them half-naked and very thoroughly engaged with one another. Hermione squeaked and snatched up her sweater to cover her naked chest and Ron sat up to shield her further. "Hey mate, thought you were spending the night with Snape again. We'll just..." He started to stand, but Harry waved them off.

"We had a fight, but you can stay where you are. I'm going straight to bed. Night." He walked passed their sofa with a hand up to shield his view of them, not that he hadn't already seen both of them completely naked at one point or another during their year on the run, but he'd never really cared either way about either of their bodies.

"Oh Harry, what happened? I know how much Professor Snape means to you," Hermione asked, having managed to pull her sweater over her head while he was walking by.

Harry shrugged and forced a half-smile. "It's nothing, just me being silly. I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind. I'll see you in the morning."

"All right. We're always here for you, though, you know. We'll see you in the morning."

Harry nodded and went to his room, shutting the door firmly behind him. He stripped off his clothes and pulled on a set of pajamas. He preferred to sleep shirtless, but all the night-wanderings were beginning to make him paranoid. He took his dreamless sleep and slipped into bed, praying to God that he stayed in his own bed for the rest of the night.


	5. Part .05

He prayed in vain. He awoke the next morning pressed up against a familiar body, long fingers combing through his hair. "Good morning," Severus' voice rolled over him, thicker from sleep than usual. It did uncomfortable things to Harry's lower regions.

Harry rolled to his other side, sliding out of Severus' arms, not ready to respond yet. He wasn't really angry anymore, but he didn't need Severus to know that before he apologized for calling his beliefs unreasonable and silly. Severus was pulling him back into the crook of his hip nearly immediately, pressing kisses to the back of Harry's neck. "Don't turn away from me just because you're angry. We need to settle our differences."

"There's nothing to settle. You don't want to marry me, and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone I've no hope of spending my life with." Harry marveled at his own words. He didn't mean them. He wanted to be with Severus in any way he could be. Severus made him feel safe, understood, taken care of in a way he had never even dreamed of feeling before.

"My objection to marriage has nothing to do with you. I come from a generation where being gay was considered a disease, a plague that destroyed families and ruined blood lines. Now that we have finally been permitted to marry, it feels more like a farce than a right. I can't respect it, not when it was given begrudgingly in the same bill that permitted werewolves and vampires to wed, as well."

That made sense, but some stubborn part of Harry's brain whispered to him that he shouldn't concede, that explaining his beliefs wasn't an apology for belittling someone else's. "You think I've never been made to feel like a disease before? I grew up in a household that taught me I was a freak for having magic, let alone for liking boys as much as I like girls." Harry snorted derisively. "The Dursleys never even knew about that bit. But just because I've been told that I'm unnatural and a freak my whole life, and that I will never be normal, that doesn't mean I don't want to have what everyone else has. And it doesn't mean that I don't deserve to have what everyone else does. And having you basically tell me my opinions are stupid, when you're the person whom I trust the most to make me feel safe and understood... I can't be in a relationship like that, Severus. You need to respect my opinions as much as I respect yours."

"I do respect your opinions. I apologize if I've offended you; I certainly didn't mean to. You caught me off guard and denied me what I want most."

"What's that?" Harry asked, peering over his shoulder.

"You. I have spent the last six months waking up to you in my bed, in my arms. I can hardly think of anything other than having you, laying you out and exploring every bare inch of you with my tongue before spreading you open and making love to you until you can no longer do anything but scream my name in ecstasy. Can you blame me for my impatience?"

Harry didn't know what to say. No one had ever said anything so intimate and blatantly sexual to him before. He blushed, shifting unconsciously closer. Severus leant forward and kissed him, pulling him around and flush against Severus' body, his hands firm and warm against Harry's clothed shoulder and hip. Harry melted into his warmth, folding into his arms like a charmed tent. This kiss was different from most of the others, soft and gentle, an apology of sorts. Harry returned it, his mouth opening to Severus's tongue. The kiss lasted a long while, soothing Harry's hurt and endearing Severus to him again.

Eventually, Severus pulled away with a light peck and a kiss to Harry's forehead. "Are you still angry with me?"

"No, I'm all right now."

"Good. Shall we go to breakfast then?"

"Yeah. Breakfast sounds good." As Harry untangled himself from both Severus and the sheets, he found that his heart was a little bit lighter. He kissed Severus again before disappearing into the bathroom with his clothes for the day.


End file.
